My children’s greatest need-Adopted or Biological
As I was studying a study by John MacArthur I began to think about this and how politically incorrect this blog entry will be. All my children were born with a sin nature. There is no denying it. They were very into themselves and full of selfishness. A battle that we still deal with, I still deal with. Give a child free reign and he will become a monster. A child you do not want to be around. I work at a school. I see those children. Their parents make an excuse for everything they do. Sin is not learned-it is an inbred disposition. They got it from me or their birth parents, who then got it from their parents and so forth. All the way to Adam and Eve. Adam and Eves fall tainted the whole world. Paul wrote, "Through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned" (Rom. 5:12). No one is exempt. As much as some parents believe that their child could do no harm ever, that is just not true. Instead of making excuses, let’s get to the heart of the issue. Left to themselves my children will pursue a course of sin. And left to themselves, there is no evil of which they are incapable of. None. That is hard to grasp. To think that my child could kill someone. That makes me hurt to think of it. I know how true that is though. In our town, my Dads best friend was murdered. We live in a small country town, where everyone knows everyone. We live on generational property. Do you know who is sitting in jail waiting for a trial of his murder? His wife. No he did not beat her. She lost it, shot him, cut him apart and burned him. Sounds like some dumb tv show, but it happened in our town, to my Dads best friend. It happened because of sin unchecked. Why do I tell you this? To let you know that I never thought anything like this would happen around here, let alone to someone I knew. It can. And if we live our children to themselves they will pursue a course of sin. Hard to swallow when you see a sleeping baby, looking so innocent. But really they are just a miniature version of me or you. Here are some parenting approaches that miss the mark and will not get to the heart issue.
Focus on Behavior -- Many parents go off track by focusing all their efforts on controlling their child's behavior. Be careful. If you concentrate all your energies on correcting external behavior, or staving off misbehavior with threats of discipline, you may be doing little more than training a hypocrite. I've seen that happen repeatedly. I know Christian parents who think their parenting is successful because they've taught their children to act politely on cue, to answer with "Yes, Sir" and "No, Ma'am," and to speak to adults when spoken to. While that kind of behavior control may appear to work wonders for a time (especially when the parents are nearby), it does not address the root problem of depravity. Sinful behavior is a symptom of a sinful heart.
Focus on Environment--Other parents try to control their child's environment. They attempt to build a cocoon around their kids to isolate them from bad influences. They restrict their children's exposure to television, ban popular music from the home, and sometimes forbid contact with children whose parents may not share their same parenting philosophy. Some of this I think is wise, but it doesn’t get to the root of the issue. I do think you should shield your kids from the experience of evil, you need to teach them to be wise and discerning when confronted with evil. They won't learn those lessons if they are completely isolated. The isolationist approach merely produces naive children who are gullible and vulnerable, defenseless in the world. Try as you might, you won't be able to isolate your children forever. When the day comes that they venture out into the world, they need to be prepared with discernment skills and wisdom to detect and resist the enticements of the devil and the world. If you choose to shield them from an evil environment, you are ignoring the enemy within them--a depraved heart. But if you win the heart, you win the child.
Focus on Self-Esteem--A very prevalent approach today is to build a child's self-esteem. That method assumes that if a child sees himself as good, noble, and wonderful, he'll not only behave better, but he will also treat others better. This method turns self-love into a virtue. The truth is that much of the modern effort to spark kids' self-esteem is simply pouring gasoline on a runaway fire. It encourages already selfish kids to think they are justified in wanting their own way. It makes you as a parent think you have to defer to the child, no matter what, because the child has a right to express himself freely, so he feels good about himself. All of that only escalates out-of-control behavior and feeds the worst tendencies of human depravity. Want to ensure that your child will become a delinquent? Feed his self-esteem and then compound the problem by refusing to correct him when he is wrong. Self-esteem is based on an unbiblical perspective that denies original sin and the doctrine of total depravity. The Bible has nothing positive to say about self-esteem, self-love, or any other variety of self-centeredness. It teaches your child to deny himself, not love himself (Luke 9:23).
Focus on the Heart---There's only one remedy for your child's inborn depravity: the new birth--regeneration. As Jesus said to Nicodemus, "That which is born of flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit ... [Therefore,] you must be born again" (John 3:6-7). "Born of the flesh" with a sinful bent, your children have no power to free themselves from sin's bondage. They lack the Holy Spirit and thus have no capacity to please God or obey Him from the heart (cf. Rom. 8:7-8). Until your children are born again, they are dead in "trespasses and sins" (Eph. 2:1). My top priority more than anything is to be an evangelist in my home. To show them the bible, show them they need a Savior, point them to Jesus in everything they do and to let them know that He is the only One who can save them. He is the only who will heal their broken heart. He is the only one that will help them deal with the loss they will feel from adoption. I cannot fill that void; their Daddy cannot fill that void. Only Christ.
One word of caution though about that--if you try to force, coerce, or manipulate your kids into a profession of faith, you may pressure them into making a false profession. The new birth is a work of the Holy Spirit, and your child's salvation is a matter that must ultimately be settled between him and God. Lets be an example in everything we do and to everyone we meet. Lets live like today could be the day.
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